In the last Newsletter, we looked at a divorce situation (John and Laura) and explored how a change in thinking could reduce the amount of stress that John was feeling.

This week, we  look at a work situation, to learn how one employee’s unchecked thoughts, caused her to feel out of control and stressed for several days.  

It’s Friday morning, and Katie is waiting for her coworker, Heather, to provide some information she needs to complete one of her tasks.  Katie has been waiting for this information for three days.  Katie just found out, from another co-worker, that Heather is not coming to work today.  To make matters worse, Monday is the deadline for Katie to complete her spreadsheet for her boss.  She can’t complain to her boss about Heather.  She tried that before, and didn’t get anywhere, because Heather is the boss’s niece.  Katie is so frustrated and angry, that she stays upset through the entire weekend.  She has trouble sleeping Sunday night, and shows up at work on Monday, in an agitated state of mind.

You may be thinking that obviously, Heather is the reason why Katie is so upset.  At least, that is the way most of us would view the situation.  But, we would be mistaken.  The real problem is Katie’s mental soundtrack. Her thoughts are painting unsettling, imaginary scenarios.  Her inner voice is telling her things like, “you won’t finish your work on time!”, or “you’re going to seem incompetent to your boss, and you’re going to lose your job!”.  The voice in her head, is telling her that “Heather should be more responsible!”, “she gets special privileges because she is family.” etc…  Those thoughts are the reason Katie is agitated.  How do I know?

I know, because if Heather’s lack of follow-through, was really the cause of Katie’s upset, then everyone that worked around Heather, would be upset by that behavior too.  That, however, is not the case.

Jackie also works with Heather.  Jackie knows that Heather is unreliable. She often must follow up with Heather over and over again, to get the information she needs.  The difference between Katie and Jackie, is that although Jackie doesn’t like the situation, she knows that she cannot control Heather’s behavior. Jackie knows that if she allows Heather’s behavior to upset her, then she is the one who suffers, not Heather.  Recently, Jackie attended a workshop, and learned that when she is feeling agitated, her feelings are simply a signal that her thinking is headed in an unproductive direction.  When she starts feeling upset about something, Jackie knows her thinking has gone off track.  Now, Jackie finds herself getting upset far less than she used to.  Her calm attitude allows her to get more work done and have more peace in her personal life.  Jackie knows that her state of mind, has nothing to do with anyone or anything outside of herself.

It is not possible for another person or a situation to make us feel anything, unless we allow it.  It is always our own unconscious or conscious interpretation, that determines our feelings.  That is as true for happy and loving feelings, as it is for unhappy or angry feelings.  

Think of your feelings as the inner GPS for humans.  Most of us have never learned how to use this amazing tool!  Whenever we feel anxious, angry, unhappy or miserable in any way, we look around for the reason for our feelings.  

There would be nothing wrong with that, if we looked inside ourselves for the answer.  But, that is not what most of us do.  Instead, we look outside ourselves at the people and situations around us.  Since we can’t control other people and we don’t have control over most situations, we then feel frustrated, victimized and helpless to make the situation better.

Fortunately for us, our experience of life and the people around us, comes from inside us.  If we stop the inner chatter long enough to examine it, we will find that many of our thoughts are assumptions, projections that are based on insecurity and fearful ideas.  When we understand that we feel our thinking and create our experience from those thoughts, we have the power to live peaceful and compassionate lives. 

Warm Regards,

Linda

Your comments are welcome!  You can also reach me via email at:

Email Linda