Our feelings reflect our thinking. They are not a direct result of situations or the actions of the people around us.
Yesterday, I received a nasty text message from someone close to me. He was angry that I had not followed through on something he thought I was supposed to do. In addition, he was upset with me because he felt that he and another person were doing
more than their fair share of a task. I picked up the phone and called him. I have learned over the years, that emails and text messages are terrible ways to communicate when people are upset with each other.
Electronic communications, tend to cause people to forget that there is a real person with real feelings on the other end of the line. It’s easy to become desensitized. When we are desensitized, we tend to say things in writing, that we
would not otherwise say to that person face to face.
When I called my friend, I was very angry. At first, we exchanged a few heated words. I admit that I was stunned by his unkind words and dismayed that he would put our relationship on the line over this matter. As our conversation progressed, I realized that he had spent a lot of time thinking about the situation. He had ruminated on the issue, turning it over and over in his mind and he
had become angrier by the minute. In that state of mind, he made decisions about the issue on his mind and he drew conclusions about my role in the problem, based on his interpretation of his thoughts. It all looked real to him and he believed he had accurately assessed the situation. He decided that something needed to be done, so he lashed out in the only direction that made sense to him, in that moment.
In the beginning, understanding that my friend
was just living in the feeling of his thinking, didn’t make me any less upset with him. But, little by little, my compassion for him, overcame my anger. I know there have been times, when my thoughts have seemed very real, and I have acted in ways I later regretted. In the end, we came up with an acceptable solution and forgave each other's human-ness.
This is a perfect example of how we all get caught up in our thinking from time to time and
allow our thoughts to take us down a dark, twisting, rabbit hole. We start to believe our thoughts are the truth, and that we must take action immediately, before it’s too late. It’s easy to go unconscious at this stage and allow our emotions to take control and push us into action.
But, what would happen, if we slowed down, and before we sent that nasty text, we asked ourselves, if what we are thinking is 100% true? Are there any holes in
our assessment of the issue? Could there possibly be an explanation other than the one we came up with in our head? What would happen, if we just sat quietly and let our thoughts settle down?
If we will simply pause, before we take action, it might occur to us that there really is nothing to do, other than to let the situation unfold in its own time. Or, it might occur to us that we need to call the person we are upset with, and let them in
on the conversation in our head, so we can get a fresh perspective on the problem and maybe resolve it without conflict.
Simply understanding that whatever we are feeling, is a direct result of the thoughts we are thinking, can bring us peace.
Warm Regards,
Linda
