Divorce brings many changes to our lives.  One of those shifts, may be the need to return to work due to a change in financial income.  Many spouses who put their careers on hold to be stay-at-home parents, find themselves overcome by fear at the thought of returning to work.  In some cases, they have been absent from the workforce for 15 or more years.  If this sounds like you, this article will give you a place to start.  

A lack of self-confidence in the area of job skills, or a focus on the unfairness of this change in your life, will immobilize you and allow fear to take over your life.  Here are 10 tips to help you break the hold that fear has over you so you can move forward and take on the challenge of finding work that will increase your household income and possibly improve your experience of life.

Ignoring your fears, will not calm your fears or make them go away.   It may seem counterintuitive, but the best thing you can do, is admit to yourself that you are afraid.  Then, you must recognize that fear is simply a built in automatic response to anything new or different that comes into our lives. It is not always a STOP sign.  In the best scenario, fear keeps us safe.  It prevents us from stepping off the curb into oncoming traffic.  In its’ least helpful form, fear keeps us from stepping out of our comfort zone and keeps us stuck.  When that happens, we avoid the very actions that we need to take to improve our experience of life.   

The best way to move past fear, is to take action.  Even the smallest action will begin to ease the anxiety you feel around going back to work.  The action step you choose, should be something non-threatening and something you know you can do.   I often suggest to my clients, as a first action step, that they do a little day-dreaming about the type of work they would like to do.  Explore the Internet for career ideas that appeal to you.  The purpose of this exercise is to inspire you, and give you something to work toward.  You may have to take another type of job in the interim, but you can use that job as a source of income and health benefits.  The money you earn at that job, can help you get the training you need, for the career you really want.

Make a list of your skills and abilities.  Take a close look at everything you do to keep your household up and running.  Don’t discount what you do every day.  Mine your daily activities for services that you could get paid to do now?  Are you good at budgeting, organizing schedules or planning events?  Are you good at decorating or gardening?  What do you love to do?  Which individuals or businesses, would hire someone to do those things for them?  Ask friends to give you feedback on some of your ideas.  You may find that some of your ideas have potential and just need a little fine-tuning to become profitable money-making options.

If you don’t know what you're good at doing or just want a second opinion, check out Tom Rath’s book Strengths Finder 2.0.  When you purchase the book, you’ll receive an access code to take the online test.  The results will point out your top five strengths.  The book will help you understand each of those strengths, and give you examples on how to apply them in the real world.

There is an abundance of affordable, online classes that you can take to learn new skills or to brush up on skills you already possess.  Online typically equals lots of flexibility, which means you can take the class after the kids go to bed in the evening, or while they are in school during the day.

Blended, portfolio, or slash careers are becoming more and more common.  For example, you could be a Virtual Assistant/Photographer/Gardener or a Chef/Website Designer/Customer Service Rep. The options are endless!  Read Marci Alboher’s book One Person Multiple Careers for stories about others who have made portfolio careers work for them and learn how this approach might work for you too.  I highly recommend this book!

Let your friends, neighbors, and family members know you are looking for work.  Ask them to keep their eyes and ears open for jobs that might be a good fit for you. Included in your group of family and friends, are people who are office workers, business owners, etc… all are a great resource to turn to for help with updating your resume or improving your interviewing skills.  Most people are ready and willing to help you, they are just waiting for you to ask.  

Visit a job placement agency.  If you like the atmosphere of the office, and attitude of the people who meet with you, fill out the application and go through their interviewing/screening process.  It will be great job search/interview practice.  It’s very likely that you will discover many of your strengths through this process.  If you approach the experience with an optimistic attitude, this exercise will build your confidence and inspire you in your job search.  PS - If you walk into an agency that is anything other than open-minded, helpful and positive, don’t waste your time there, try a different agency.

Avoid the tendency to dwell on the connection between the divorce and your need to create an income.  A divorce might be the catalyst for your job search, but mourning your fate and lamenting the unfairness of it all, will only stand in the way of your success.  In my experience, the people who are more excited than they are scared, are the ones who succeed at finding work they enjoy.   More often than not, those who go back to work post-divorce, report that their lives have been improved or enhanced by the new connections they make at work.  Accomplishments on the job, and earning our own money, generally result in greater feelings of self-worth.  If you shift your perspective to see this as an opportunity for growth, life enrichment, and a way to expand your social circle, you may find fear takes a backseat to your excitement.

If fearful thoughts, or unwillingness to accept your circumstances, or lack of confidence are preventing you from taking the actions you know you need to take, consider hiring a coach or career counselor.  Sometimes, we just need someone to help us adjust our thinking, to shift our focus from the obstacles, and shine a spotlight on the opportunities that are right in front of us.  I am always amazed at how many doors open and ideas flow, when we change our thoughts and open our mind to alternate possibilities.

I wish you much success!

Warmly,