When we go through the dating process, we are often attracted to some characteristic that we think the other person possesses, that we may think is missing in ourselves.  For example, the other person may be bold, outgoing and confident while you are quiet, introverted and often put others ahead of yourself.  The outgoing, person may be looking for someone who is more introspective to balance out their huge personality.  The introvert may be looking for someone to help him or her to become more expressive and outgoing.  

Fairy tales, romance novels, romantic movies and even television commercials, have all done a great job  convincing us that our true love is someone who will "complete" us.  Nothing could be further from the truth.  Looking for a partner who has the qualities that we think are missing in ourselves, implies that we are less than whole, or we are deficient in some way.  We act as if we are a jigsaw puzzle that is missing some critical pieces.  We believe that someone else must supply those missing pieces in order for us to be a complete picture.  Until we understand that we are whole and complete just as we are, we will continue to seek outside of ourselves for something we already possess. 

Did you know that in romantic relationships, two halves do not equal a whole?  Instead, when two people who feel inadequate about themselves, come together, those two halves are not added to each other.  The two halves are multiplied together, and equal one quarter.  Two people in a love relationship, who feel inadequate about themselves, will not be able to support and nurture each others' evolution.  Instead, they may subconsciously sabotage each others' growth to maintain the status quo.  

This is one of the reasons why I encourage my clients to spend time learning to love and accept themselves...  Warts and all.  Whether they are looking for love inside their current relationship, or divorced and thinking about dating, the first step to having a successful love relationship with someone else, is loving and accepting themselves.  

When you love and accept yourself, just the way you are, you will know that there are no missing pieces.  From that vantage point, you will naturally look for a partner who will enhance your life, not complete it.   If you are already in a relationship, you may find that when you no longer expect your partner to complete you, you are happier in the relationship. 

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