In most situations, it’s the story we tell ourselves about what is happening in our lives that causes our upset.  Contrary to what you might believe, it is not the situation itself.  That is not to say that upsetting things don’t happen, because they do.  But in many cases, it is the tale we weave around what is happening, that causes us additional undue pain and suffering.  

For example, let’s say you are in the midst of a divorce.  You know that it is highly likely that your soon to be ex-spouse will be awarded some visitation rights with your children.  In your mind, you recall the time he raged uncontrollably at one of the kids or the time he threw something across the room in anger.  Your thoughts about those instances, lead to feelings of anxiety with regard to the safety of the children.  Driven by your fearful thoughts, you tell your attorney, your friends and your family members that he has violent tendencies and should not be allowed to be alone with the children.  In your mind, you have painted him as a monster with an uncontrollable temper.

However, if you remove the drama from your story about your ex-spouse, you will recall the many times that he displayed good parenting skills.  What you may find, is that actually, more often than not, he has been a great dad to your kids.  With that change in perspective, you will begin to feel less anxious.  As your fearful feelings subside, you can acknowledge that it would be unfair to the children and their father, if you tried to withhold visitation rights.

It is not unusual for us to scare ourselves with stories about what might happen if…  In reality, no one knows what is going to happen in the next minute.  When we allow fearful thoughts to take over, our judgement is clouded and we are unable to think clearly or creatively.  We believe the false ideas we concoct in our heads, and wonder why we are in a state of anxiety and stress.

There never has been, and never will be a situation in which being in emotional turmoil is a good place from which to take action or make a decision.  In emergency evacuations, we are instructed to remain calm and move toward the exit.  We are not instructed to freak out and charge for the door.  Somehow, we forget to apply this same principle in our personal lives.

This week, take one situation that you are emotionally upset about, write that situation down and include all the current and anticipated drama that makes it upsetting. Go back and read what you have written.  Notice the feelings that come up for you. Now, rewrite the story, but this time, hold the drama and include only the facts.  Also, do not speculate about the future only write what you know in the present moment.  When you have finished with the no drama version, read what you have written.  Do you notice a shift in the amount of angst you feel around that situation?

Keep calm and carry on.