Do your actions match your values?  Are you living life on your terms, or do you usually give in to pressure to do what someone else thinks you should be doing?  

What would you have to do differently, to be your authentic self?  To be authentic, means that your actions on the outside, match the values and beliefs you hold on the inside.  If you make decisions based on the beliefs of others or because it is what someone else wants you to do, you are not being authentic.  If you go along with something, just to keep someone else from feeling sad or to protect them from facing a difficulty, you are in fact, preventing them from developing the fortitude and skills they need to face life.  You are sending a silent message to them that implies they are not capable of taking care of themselves.  You make them dependent on you, and you become trapped in the role of the enabler.  Your relationship with that person is superficial.  You are not speaking or living your truth and chances are good, they are not being genuine with you either.  How can a relationship be deep and meaningful if no one is being their authentic self?

Problems in relationships, romantic or otherwise, often begin with denying our true self.  One way we do this is when we say “yes”, when we really would rather say “no”.  We do this to avoid upsetting someone we care about or someone we are afraid of. We don’t want to risk losing them or making them angry, so we pretend not to have a preference or we deliberately lie to keep the peace.  There is a cost to keeping the peace… you can lose yourself in the process.

Maybe you have been going along with others and numbing your feelings for so long, that you have forgotten what makes you happy, what you believe, or what is meaningful to you.  A great New Year’s resolution for you, might be to get in touch with what energizes you and what drains you.  This year, resolve to be more authentic by doing more of what makes you feel good, and less of what makes you feel depleted.  

Will you lose some relationships or upset some people by being your authentic self?   Maybe.  But, I venture to guess that the relationships you lose, will be with people who really only care about themselves.  These are the relationships with the manipulators and the self-centered people who are not capable of having deep and balanced relationships.  When those people leave, or when you walk away from them, it will make room for something better to come into your life.  The rewards will far outweigh the losses.  However, you have to take the first step.  You have to let go of the beliefs and behaviors that keep you stuck in unhealthy situations and relationships.

What will you do to be more authentic this year?

Have a happy, healthy and abundant New Year!