Hello !
While listening to a talk-show podcast yesterday, I felt physically ill and my heart broke for the woman who called the show. The show I was lisenting to focuses on helping people with their investments, budgeting, careers and personal
relationships.
The caller, Joan (not her real name), is a stay-at-home mom. She has been married to her husband for 15 years and they have a 6 year old son. She told the hosts of the show that she has been receiving inheritance money over the past few years that her husband takes and invests.
Joan has never done anything to indicate that she is
irresponsible with money, yet her spouse does not allow her to keep any of the money and insists that she will waste it so that is why she must give it to him. Her husband gives her an allowance of $400 a month, she uses that for groceries (shops at Aldi's) and she is not allowed to spend any money to sign their son up for swimming, soccer or any other extra-curricular activities.
Joan called the show because she just
received $50K inheritance payment and that will be the last one for awhile. She wants to put that money is a separate savings account, but her husband is insisting she give it to him to invest so she doesn't "waste it".
Joan insisted that her husband is not physically abusive, but she indicated that he is very controlling and the way he speaks to her is unkind and condescending.
The big bombshell is that the couple's net worth is over $5 million! Joan didn't seem to know how much or what he spends money on, but she did say he plays a lot of golf. (In case you don't know, golf is an expensive sport... obviously what is good for the "gander" is not on offer for the "goose".)
This is a good example of how in a relationship, one partner can hold the other partner hostage
emotionally and financially. It is a form of abuse. It might not be initially evident to the person being controlled. Eventually, most people usually wake up to the fact that they are unhappy and feeling trapped. That is where Joan is now.
It takes a great deal of courage to attempt to change a situation like Joan's. She hasn't worked outside the home in years. She has no money of her own and it
seems that her husband treats her like a child instead of an equal partner in their marriage.
For Joan, the first step, if her husband is open to it, might be to suggest couples counseling to him. If he won't go to counseling, she should go by herself. In a previous marriage to a controlling spouse, my then husband refused to go to couple's counseling. Individual counseling helped me gain the courage I needed
to leave the marriage when my husband refused to change. I would recommend that Joan put the inheritance she just received in a separate account. It will be her safety net if she determines she needs to leave and take her son with her.
It's disconcerting to know that there are people in the world who are going through what Joan is going through. Hopefully, Joan and her husband can turn their marriage around so it
becomes a loving, equitable partnership.
If you know someone who is in a difficult marriage or long-term relationship and is considering divorce, this e-book might be helpful to them.
Divorce 10: Because You Don't Know What You Don't Know About
Divorce
The cost for the book is very low, but the contents might just help someone avoid the pitfalls of divorce. It was written from my own personal experience with divorce and the experiences of some of the women I have coached.
I am also available to support anyone who is on the fence about whether to stay or leave a long-term relationship or marriage. My
contact info is listed below.
