Hello !
Have you noticed that women frequently play the role of caregivers, nurturers, and supporters? Whether it's in the context of family, friendships, or professional environments, women oftentimes find themselves putting the needs of others
before their own. This inclination towards selflessness is something to be admired, but over-giving often comes at a cost—the neglect of their own health, wealth, peace of mind and happiness.
Girls are often socialized to prioritize the needs of others over their own. They may be taught that being caring, nurturing, and accommodating are essential qualities for a woman to possess. These societal expectations can create a sense of
obligation to always be available and self-sacrificing, even when doing so, prevents them from taking care of their own needs.
Those who habitually over give, often don't know their own worth. They may only feel valuable when they set their own needs aside to attend to the needs of others. This belief can lead to a tendency to sell themselves short. By not going after high paying jobs or staying too long in low paying
positions they become serial under earners.
Over giving can show up in several ways:
- A woman may sacrifice sleep or postpone self-care to ensure her family's needs are met, putting her own health at risk in the process.
- In the workplace, she may take on extra projects or work long hours to
finish a project at the expense of her mental and physical health. Even with the extra hours and effort, she may still be reluctant to ask for higher pay.
- By suppressing her own emotions, a woman might prioritize comforting others during times of distress, neglecting her own need for support and validation.
- In a romantic relationship, a woman may
constantly prioritize her partner's desires and preferences, sacrificing her own autonomy and happiness in the process.
- A mother who dedicates all her time and energy to her children, sacrificing her personal interests, hobbies, and social life to ensure their well-being and success, is over giving.
- In social
situations, a woman may avoid expressing her own opinions or desires to maintain harmony within the group, even if it means masking her authentic self.
- A woman may over-give to financially support family members or loved ones, even if it means sacrificing her own financial stability and security.
- Some women will
delay seeking medical attention or ignore their own health concerns to prioritize caring for sick or elderly family members.
- A woman might put her own aspirations and dreams on hold to support her partner's career or to prioritize the needs of her family.
How can you break the habit of over
giving?
- Treat yourself with the same kindness and understanding that you would offer to a friend in need. Acknowledge your own needs and limitations without judgment or self-criticism.
- Learn to say no when necessary and establish clear boundaries with others. Communicate your needs assertively and prioritize activities that bring you joy and fulfillment.
- Make self-care a non-negotiable part of your routine. Whether it's through exercise, meditation, hobbies, or spending time with loved ones, prioritize activities that nourish your mind, body, and spirit.
- Don't be afraid to ask for help when you need it. Reach out to friends, family members, coach or a therapist for support and guidance.
- Question expectations and
stereotypes that dictate women should always prioritize the needs of others. Assert your right to prioritize your own well-being.
Acknowledging your gifts, abilities and value is the first step toward gaining the confidence to ask for a better salary, working conditions, work schedule or position. Don't be afraid of being turned down. A "no" is just more information you can use to help you make the decision to stay
where you are or move on to work somewhere else. Just because one employer doesn't recognize your value, does not mean you are not valuable. Who knows, you might just get a "yes" response and wonder why you waited so long to ask.
You were divinely created and the energy of God flows through you. As Marianne Williamson famously wrote in her book, A Return to Love:
“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, 'Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?' Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that
other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”
This is my last newsletter in the series about under earning. If you are ready to step into the light, acknowledge your value and the gifts you have to give so you can stop under earning, hit "reply" to this email. I will contact you to schedule a complimentary coaching call with you. I am also available via email. My contact information is below.
