On September 15, 1985, my family gathered to celebrate my dad’s upcoming 59th birthday.  It was a Sunday afternoon and it was the last time I saw my parents and my sister Marjorie, alive.  I remember that when I left to go home, my dad hugged me for an extra long time that day.  Two days later, they were all gone and I understood the reason for that special hug.  Life is a gift and it was suddenly taken away. 

My mom was diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis when I was around 10 years old.  Her health steadily declined and by the time I was 16, her mobility was so limited that she was either sitting in a chair in the living room, or laying down in bed.  She had trouble feeding herself and was having seizures at night.  At 25 years old, my sister Marjorie, had never completely recovered from a bout with Encephalitis that happened when she was two. My dad suffered with severe back pain for as long as I can remember and when Parkinson’s Disease took away his ability to work as a Draftsman, he made a gradual decline into depression.   Two days after I saw my parents and sister, for dad’s birthday celebration, my dad did the unthinkable. He ended all three of their lives.  

It was a nightmare

For the most part, the hours, days, weeks and months following their deaths were a blur for me.  There were funeral arrangements to be made, legal,  insurance and financial issues to be dealt with.  Thankfully, I did not have to go through those things alone.  There were family members and friends who helped and supported me and my siblings, through that anguishing period of our lives.

Life can change without warning

In an instant, I lost half my family.  The obvious message is that life can change in a split second.  We need to make sure the people in our life know we love them. You never know when the last time you see someone will be the last time you see them.  

There was a second message for me…

Life is not to be wasted.  If you are working at a job you hate, learn how to love it, find another line of work or another place to work.  If you are in a relationship that is draining your life energy, find a way to make it better or walk away.  If your health is poor and you know you could improve your quality of life by making some changes, don’t wait.  Even if they are only small changes, start to make those changes today.  If you are depressed, overwhelmed or lonely, reach out to someone.  You will find that you are not alone and there are people who want to help you.  If you believe in God, ask Him to connect you with people who will be supportive.  No one has to go through anything alone. 

The anniversary of my parents’ and sister’s deaths, their birthdays and sometimes for no apparent reason, I think of them and it always brings up mixed emotions for me.  I smile through my tears, as I remember silly songs my dad used to sing to me, my mom’s words of encouragement when kids picked on me at school. My sister, Marjorie's love of music and of certain actors on television.  I know it was  my parents’ influence and guidance that gave me the strength and courage I needed to rise above my grief and make difficult, but necessary changes in my life.  It is my belief that God turns tragedy into triumph that keeps me going every day. 

Life is a gift.  If you are not living your life fully and joyfully, maybe it’s time for a change.  If you or someone you know could use support to navigate grief, trauma, relationship issues, or work challenges, please contact me.  I will be happy to set up a no obligation phone call.