Hello !
For those who have lost a loved one this past year, this holiday season may be a difficult one. Some have cumulative grief as they have lost multiple family members in recent months. There are other types
of loss that cause us to grieve. A breakup or divorce, job loss, the death of a beloved pet, and other life changes can all cause us to grieve.
In many ways, our society is uninformed about grief. We often don't realize how deeply grief impacts a us when we loose someone they loved. David Kessler is an expert on death and grieving and the author of several books on the subject.
David experienced the trauma of loss as a young teen when his mother died in a hospital. He and his father were staying in a hotel near the hospital. During their stay, a mass shooting occurred in the hotel. He was again faced with grief as an adult when his young adult son suddenly passed away. Researching and understanding grief have been his life work for many years.
In his research, David Kessler has uncovered six elements of grief that are essential for healing. These are important aspects of healing, but they are not stages of grief. We do not pass through them in linear order. We experience them in our own order and in our own time. I share those elements below.
- Community - Isolating yourself when you are grieving will slow down the healing process.
It is important for you to talk with others and share your feelings. You may find that even your partner and closest friends do not understand what you are experiencing. If that is the case, you may need to look for groups or professionals that do understand the grieving process.
- Continued Connections - When a loved one passes on, our connection with them does not die. Say their name, share memories of
them with others and talk to them as if they are still here with you.
- Your Grief Does Not Define You - You are not your grief. Your life goes on. Your deceased loved one, does not want you to live your life in sadness or to stop doing the things you love to do.
- Treat Yourself With Kindness - Be your own best friend during the grieving period.
Telling yourself that you are weak or wrong for grieving for so long, will not help you heal faster. Be gentle and patient with yourself.
- Don't Compare - We all grieve differently and for different lengths of time. Let your own inner wisdom guide you and allow yourself to take as long as you need to process your loss.
- Count Your Wins - During
the dark times, just getting out of bed takes effort. If all you can manage to do is get out of bed or take a shower or get dressed, count those all as wins. Count all your wins, no matter how small or insignificant they may seem.
When I was 29, I lost my father, mother and a sister, all at one time. It was a devastatingly difficult time in my life. I didn't have the resources back then, that I share with you
today. I managed to get through the darkness and move forward with my life, but I still remember the pain and sadness that I felt for many years after the event that took their lives.
Here is a link to one of David Kessler's YouTube Videos. I hope you find it to be helpful.
