Hello !
Oh, the Holidays!
Time to share love, joy and laughter with the people we love... Or is it?
The Winter Holidays can be filled with the aforementioned feelings, but for many families, interspersed in the love and laughter is resentment, hurt feelings and emotional distance. Even so, there are people we love and want to be near to share the spirit of the holiday season. And... at holiday gatherings, some of the people we love, will bring people with them that for whatever reason, trigger our anxiety and put a damper on our enjoyment.
So, how do you keep your cool, enjoy yourself and not get drama-tized by the people you prefer not to be around? Here are a few tips that have helped people I have worked with and myself as well.
- If a family member is physically, verbally, or emotionally abusive to you and others or has an addiction to alcohol or drugs, the only option may be avoidance. Don't put yourself in the
path of a toxic person just to please others during the holidays or any other time of year for that matter. If you spend too much energy trying to please someone else (maybe someone who can't be pleased), you will end up feeling exhausted and drained. Your peace of mind is of the utmost importance.
- Sometimes our loved ones make choices that make us cringe. When we don't see someone very often, but they will be at a family holiday
gathering, it may seem like a good opportunity to tell them what you think about a choice they have made. Keep in mind that the choices others make are theirs to make. Voicing your disapproval, could permanently damage your relationship with that person. Unless their choice directly impacts you or you are willing to write off the relationship, don't share your opinion unless that person asks for your advice. Even if they ask for your advice, it might be best to postpone the
conversation to be held privately, sometime after the holidays.
- Have you ever "people watched" at the shopping mall, airport, or other public places? People watching is when a person idly observes others as they pass by. They make note of the way a person walks or their posture. They may notice the way they speak to others or what kind of clothes people are wearing. There is no attachment to what the people they watch
are doing or how they are being. Try using that same approach at holiday gatherings this year. Notice what people are doing and saying, but be an unattached observer.
- Ask for and accept help from others. Don't try to do everything yourself. If you are having a gathering at your house, ask everyone to bring some type of food or beverage to share. Ask the family members who live with you to pitch in and help
with getting the house ready for the event. Even a 5 year old child can help by picking up their toys or using a feather duster to help mom or dad.
Don't get drama-tized. Know that your security and peace of mind come from within yourself. It is up to you to protect your boundaries and keep your inner candle burning no matter what is going on outside of you. That doesn't mean that you should never get
upset when someone is insensitive, dishonest or behaves badly. It does mean that if you are reactive to something or someone, your goal is to return yourself to a calm state of mind as quickly as possible. Being able to keep your composure and not get triggered by other people's behavior is something to work toward for the future.
Hit reply and let me know your thoughts. I would love to hear them!
With Loving Support,
Linda
